A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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