Fuck appropriateness.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
