Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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