just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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