remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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