in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
