as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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