I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
