he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
