I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
