You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
where does the pee come out of this thing
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
