He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
