Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
