The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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