Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
