Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
