The maid of honor just puked.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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