i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
