Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
