the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
you never un-have a 4some
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
