I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
