i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
