I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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