Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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