i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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