I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
