what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
