the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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