i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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