Your face is a jimmy john
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
