So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
