i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
