Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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