Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
