Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
