I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
