I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
