i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
