i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
