They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
