it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
