this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
