So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
