Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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