me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
