Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
