We're facebook friends in real life
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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