you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
