had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
