New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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